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Most of us have a running commentary in our heads, and it tends to get loudest when something goes wrong. For some people that voice is fairly gentle. For others it is harsh, quick to judge, and surprisingly personal. In my work as a counsellor, I often find that the harshest inner voices have roots that go back to childhood. When a mistake becomes an identity Shame-based thinking is what happens when the things we do, or the things that happen to us, start to feel like statements about who we are. The shift is subtle, but it changes everything: "I made a mistake" quietly becomes "I'm a…

What if the parts of yourself you have tried to change are where your greatest strengths live? For many people, growing up means receiving constant signals that the way you think, feel, or move through the world needs fixing. Maybe you were told you were too sensitive, too easily distracted, too intense, or just too much. To protect yourself, you probably learned to watch everyone else closely, quiet your natural reactions, and hide the parts of you that stood out. After years of doing that, something subtle happens: you stop questioning whether those external expectations make sense, and you…

Struggling With Self Esteem? Understanding the Parts of You That Do Not Feel Good Enough You can look confident on the outside and still spend a surprising amount of time wondering if you are good enough. Maybe you second guess yourself after conversations. Maybe you compare yourself to everyone around you. Maybe a small mistake can stay in your head for hours or even days. Maybe you accomplish something you have worked hard for, but instead of enjoying it, you immediately start thinking about what you should have done better. And sometimes you do not even realize how exhausting it is. You…

Emotional Reactivity Starts in the Nervous System We’ve all had less than sparkling moments. We snap at our children, lose it in traffic, and yell at our partner. To protect our self-esteem, we blame emotional blow-ups on our mood, or on someone else “because they should have known better.” Afterward, regret and even guilt set in. We think, “What’s wrong with me? I should be able to manage my anger. I’m a bad…(fill in your favourite self-criticism). But here’s the surprising truth: emotional blow-ups may not be just about willpower or “bad moods.” Your body may be hijacking your higher…

Emotional Reactivity Starts in the Nervous System We’ve all had less than sparkling moments. We snap at our children, lose it in traffic, and yell at our partner. To protect our self-esteem, we blame emotional blow-ups on our mood, or on someone else “because they should have known better.” Afterward, regret and even guilt set in. We think, “What’s wrong with me? I should be able to manage my anger. I’m a bad…(fill in your favourite self-criticism). But here’s the surprising truth: emotional blow-ups may not be just about willpower or “bad moods.” Your body may be hijacking your higher…

Have you ever had a feeling that something wasn't quite right, only to immediately question yourself? Maybe you noticed a change in someone's tone of voice. You walked into a room and could feel the tension before anyone said a word. You knew you were reaching your limit at a social gathering, but wondered if you were being antisocial. Or you had a strong feeling about a decision, only to talk yourself out of it. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe it's not a big deal. Everyone else seems fine. Why can't I just handle it? If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP)…

If you’re a highly sensitive person, you may be especially familiar with the exhaustion of constantly thinking about other people’s needs. You notice when someone’s tone changes. You sense tension in a room before anyone says there is a problem. You might feel uncomfortable when someone is disappointed, frustrated, or upset with you—and find yourself working hard to make those feelings go away. Perhaps you say yes when you want to say no. You avoid difficult conversations. You apologize automatically. You change your mind, your preferences, or your plans to accommodate others. And afterward…

Why Willpower Alone Does Not Create Healthy Habits Many people want to build healthy habits and believe it’s a matter of discipline. If they fail to stay consistent, they assume something is wrong with them. Willpower is limited and easily depleted. Modern life accelerates this exhaustion. Constant notifications, endless choices, and a culture that rewards multitasking drain attention and focus. Expecting willpower to overcome these forces is extremely challenging. Healthy habits succeed when they require less decision making, not more. When habits depend on motivation alone, consistency…

Work is a place of resource for many people. It gives us a sense of purpose, much needed structure, brain stimulation, contact with others, and income for our needs and wants. Work can also be stressful. That's ok too. Our systems can handle temporary stress, whether it is meeting a deadline or giving a scary presentation. It’s like running a 10km race. We’ll be fine as long as we recover the next week. This kind of stress of challenge and then recovery is healthy. There are two situations where work stress can become unhealthy. (1) The first is when work is relentlessly under-staffed and over…

Understanding The Body’s Protective Systems Protective systems in the body can manifest in multiple ways, such as anxiety, avoidance, and people-pleasing. Simply put, this is your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe. We often think of anxiety, avoidance, shutting down, or people-pleasing as problems to fix. But what if these responses aren’t actually problems at all? What if they’re protection? This blog is about helping you learn how to understand and work with these responses in therapy. What Are Protective Systems in the Nervous System? Your nervous system is always working in the…