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Understanding The Body’s Protective Systems Protective systems in the body can manifest in multiple ways, such as anxiety, avoidance, and people-pleasing. Simply put, this is your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe. We often think of anxiety, avoidance, shutting down, or people-pleasing as problems to fix. But what if these responses aren’t actually problems at all? What if they’re protection? This blog is about helping you learn how to understand and work with these responses in therapy. What Are Protective Systems in the Nervous System? Your nervous system is always working in the…

Usually, two is company, and there’s a crowd, except, in couples counselling, there’s always “a shadow of a third person,” a phrase of Esther Perel’s (Perel, 2016), in every couple’s problem, which, in family systems theory, is called an emotional triangle. Shadows can come from the past, often those of parents or siblings, when a partner unwittingly imitates them when emotions run high, just as a partner might have related to their family (or vice versa!) as a child. Sometimes, living people cast the shadow. Maybe the shadow is your child’s when your partner takes their side when they want…

I love working with families. I never thought this would be something that I could fully with all my heart be in, but this work is where I witness beautiful, deep changes in families and the children, couples or throuples, mothers, aunties, fathers and grandparents. Families are our roots, sometimes providing support, love, and a feeling of belonging. However, many families face challenges and stressors that strain relationships, communication and connection. Family counselling can be a support in restoring, healing and strengthening relationships. In this blog, I explain how family…

Childhood heart surgery is not just a medical procedure; it can profoundly reshape a young person’s connection to their body and movement. For many, finding a pathway to physical activity can feel emotionally challenging. https://www.handstoheart.online/ This piece was inspired when I was in yoga the other day and I had a physical memory of how I felt swimming as a young person who had had ongoing medical interventions including assessments, surgeries and procedures. I didn’t know in my 10 year old brain that my experience of noticing and worrying about every little sensation in my body was…

Most couples don’t come to counselling because of one single fight — they come because they feel caught in the same painful pattern over and over again. You might recognize it in your own relationship: One of you shuts down when there’s conflict, while the other pursues and raises the volume. A simple disagreement turns into days of silence or resentment. You feel like you’re talking, but not really hearing each other. These cycles are exhausting — and they often leave both partners feeling lonely and unheard. Understanding the Cycle When couples get stuck, it’s not because they don’t love…

From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: Healing Shame Through Therapy Many of us are our own harshest critics. The voice inside our head might say things like: “You should have known better.” “You always mess things up.” “You’re not good enough.” This inner critic can feel relentless—and often, it’s rooted in shame. The Roots of Shame Shame often begins early, in the context of relationships. When children feel unsafe, unloved, or that they have to perform to be accepted, they may start to believe something is wrong with them. These early experiences can create deep attachment wounds and leave…

Feeling Unsure About Therapy? You’re Not Alone Maybe you’ve thought about therapy but held back. Maybe you’re unsure if it’s the right fit or have heard things that made you skeptical. The truth is, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many people hesitate to reach out because of common myths and misunderstandings about what therapy really is. These myths can make therapy seem scary, ineffective, or only for people with “big” problems. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “therapy isn’t for me” or “I don’t need that,” this post is here to gently challenge those beliefs and open the door to…

As a child with congenital heart disease, I had big feelings about how different I was from others at school—not just because of my surgical scars and very tiny body, but something inside me. I remember so clearly an experience when I was 5 and back to school from open-heart surgery, where all the other children in the classroom seemed to know what they were doing on a math sheet, except me. It didn’t make sense to me. The numbers wobbled all over the page and I could feel myself going into my imaginary world. In my imaginary world, I didn’t feel my panic, uncertainty and confusion. At around…

How's parenting going for you these days? If you're finding it easy that's great. Some people find parenting comes easily to them. Others find it pretty challenging. Especially this day in age with anxiety in our kids reaching maximum levels. How do you manage your child or teen's anxiety? Are you able to be present and not take it on? Or does it ruin your mood when your child is having a hard time? It's totally normal and expected to not be thrilled when your kids are down. You love them and want to protect them. Do you often take on their emotions too deeply though? To the point where your…

In today's world of smartphones, tablets, and instant gratification, we are witnessing a crisis in frustration tolerance. Technology has revolutionized our lives, making everything faster and more accessible—but at what cost? While adults may struggle with patience in the face of rapid digital convenience, the impact on young children is even more profound. Their developing brains are being wired for immediacy, leaving them ill-equipped to manage delay, disappointment, and emotional regulation. The Effects on Young Minds Childhood is a critical period for developing emotional resilience. In…