Blog

Are you feeling stifled in your relationship? Not sure if you are in love anymore? Having an increased frequency of arguments? You might be in the stage of your relationship where you're negotiating your needs with your partner's needs. Couples Experts Ellyn Bader and her partner Peter saw over 50, 000 couples in the United States and created the Developmental Model of Couple Relationships: A Positive Outlook on How Relationships Develop. In the beginning of the relationship it's common to feel like there's so much similarity between us, almost like we grew up together. The lovely bonding…

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by challenges in attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While traditional treatments such as medication and behavioral therapy are commonly employed, an emerging approach gaining recognition for its effectiveness in addressing ADHD is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Offering a holistic perspective that delves into the complexities of the mind, IFS therapy provides a unique framework for individuals with ADHD to navigate their symptoms and foster self-awareness, resilience, and empowerment…

It might seem like a stretch to think that experiences with your caregiver that happened as early as day one...or even hour one...of life, would influence how you might experience relationships as an adult. Those non-verbal cues like eye contact, your caregiver's tone, their presence (consistent or otherwise), whether they held you, hugged you, and so many other interactions all affected future relationship. That's not intended to sound ominous but more, to help you possibly understand how some of the strengths or maybe vulnerabilities within your relationships now, might be influenced. If…

It is common and understandable to have reactions to "parts work". It is becoming a common way of working with trauma and family dysfunction that has been made popular by Internal Family Systems (IFS). I use it a lot in my work with people. Common reactions are - I don't have parts, I am just me, or that parts are not real; we imagine them. There may be other reactions. One that comes up for me (even though I work in this way) is that I don't like to go along with the latest fad and that nothing is new. So, I want to put IFS into perspective and discuss how we might see a "part."…

Do you find yourself easily thrown off? If something goes wrong at work are you ruminating for days or weeks? If you don't get a text returned do you feel so hurt that you can't study, go to the gym or even get out of bed? Making space for feelings is important, yes. In recent years, however, I see an increased number of people who are suffering from an inability to gather themselves, to muster, to gain perspective, and to carry on. If this resonates with you keep reading. How do we get grit? Here are some tools to add to your belt to help you increase your mental strength: (1) Get in their…

I am going to say something somewhat controversial. We have very few needs in our relationships. I might go as far as saying that we don’t need anything from our partner. We need air to breathe and food to eat. This is the level of need. It is associated with our survival. Language is powerful. This is why when we use the word need to express what we want in relationships it has the energy of ‘must-have urgency’ behind it. It is a demand. Let’s compare expressions for a moment. I need your attention vs I want your attention or can I have your attention? Take a moment to say each phrase out…

Living with ADHD is a unique journey that presents its own set of challenges and opportunities for growth. This condition goes beyond occasional distractions or forgetfulness; it profoundly influences one’s ability to manage daily tasks, maintain relationships, and achieve personal goals. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) intricately weaves through the fabric of an individual’s life, affecting their emotional, academic, and professional landscapes. The support of skilled professionals illuminates the path to managing ADHD symptoms more effectively. Engaging with ADHD Support…

Let's do a check-in: Are you where you want to be in life- Financially? Romantically? Parenthood- or Career-wise? If yes, great. If not, what's gotten in the way? Two actions need to be practiced to get to living the life you want. First is knowing what your goal is. And that takes defining what you want and with a timeline. For example, "I'd like to own a home by the time I am 40". Or "I want to give birth to my first child before my 35th birthday." If this is easy for you, great. If not, perhaps you haven't had enough practice exploring what you want and deciding your own goals, and with a…

Even the mention of shame brings up a desire to avoid even talking about it. It is the worst feeling and experience. It can be experienced as a constant dull ache lurking to erupt if we give it any attention, to a sudden flash of heat and intense feeling of needing to disappear. Shame is a relational experience. In other words, we are shamed by others and we develop internal shaming to prevent further experiences of shame, including shaming others. This cycle of shame is hard to break. It can be useful to understand how this develops to find a way out and heal. Here are the steps: A bad thing…

This is often hard to understand for a lot of the people I work with, so in this post I am going to go through what we mean about repair in relationships. Let’s start by acknowledging the things we need to repair in a relationship. That might seem obvious, but let’s lay the foundation for this. It starts with a communication or action by your partner that leaves you hurt, disappointed, let down, frustrated, and so on. There may be things you have both said or done during a conflict that cause both to want attention to your hurt feelings. Several common pitfalls arise and get in the way of a…