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Do you find yourself easily thrown off? If something goes wrong at work are you ruminating for days or weeks? If you don't get a text returned do you feel so hurt that you can't study, go to the gym or even get out of bed? Making space for feelings is important, yes. In recent years, however, I see an increased number of people who are suffering from an inability to gather themselves, to muster, to gain perspective, and to carry on. If this resonates with you keep reading. How do we get grit? Here are some tools to add to your belt to help you increase your mental strength: (1) Get in their…

I am going to say something somewhat controversial. We have very few needs in our relationships. I might go as far as saying that we don’t need anything from our partner. We need air to breathe and food to eat. This is the level of need. It is associated with our survival. Language is powerful. This is why when we use the word need to express what we want in relationships it has the energy of ‘must-have urgency’ behind it. It is a demand. Let’s compare expressions for a moment. I need your attention vs I want your attention or can I have your attention? Take a moment to say each phrase out…

Living with ADHD is a unique journey that presents its own set of challenges and opportunities for growth. This condition goes beyond occasional distractions or forgetfulness; it profoundly influences one’s ability to manage daily tasks, maintain relationships, and achieve personal goals. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) intricately weaves through the fabric of an individual’s life, affecting their emotional, academic, and professional landscapes. The support of skilled professionals illuminates the path to managing ADHD symptoms more effectively. Engaging with ADHD Support…

Let's do a check-in: Are you where you want to be in life- Financially? Romantically? Parenthood- or Career-wise? If yes, great. If not, what's gotten in the way? Two actions need to be practiced to get to living the life you want. First is knowing what your goal is. And that takes defining what you want and with a timeline. For example, "I'd like to own a home by the time I am 40". Or "I want to give birth to my first child before my 35th birthday." If this is easy for you, great. If not, perhaps you haven't had enough practice exploring what you want and deciding your own goals, and with a…

Even the mention of shame brings up a desire to avoid even talking about it. It is the worst feeling and experience. It can be experienced as a constant dull ache lurking to erupt if we give it any attention, to a sudden flash of heat and intense feeling of needing to disappear. Shame is a relational experience. In other words, we are shamed by others and we develop internal shaming to prevent further experiences of shame, including shaming others. This cycle of shame is hard to break. It can be useful to understand how this develops to find a way out and heal. Here are the steps: A bad thing…

This is often hard to understand for a lot of the people I work with, so in this post I am going to go through what we mean about repair in relationships. Let’s start by acknowledging the things we need to repair in a relationship. That might seem obvious, but let’s lay the foundation for this. It starts with a communication or action by your partner that leaves you hurt, disappointed, let down, frustrated, and so on. There may be things you have both said or done during a conflict that cause both to want attention to your hurt feelings. Several common pitfalls arise and get in the way of a…

Are you getting burnt out by someone in your life? Do you feel resentment towards them? Are you exhausted? Do you feel guilty for not being able to maintain a lot of contact with them? Ask yourself this: Are you good at setting boundaries with others? Setting boundaries with others is a healthy way to preserve a relationship. When we constantly go beyond our limit with others we end up feeling resentful and wanting to avoid contact. We stay on the phone longer than we'd like, or spend money we don't have on them, or always go over to their house. Where did you learn that in order to sustain a…

Many of us (myself included) have used the accusation you always__ or you never __ in arguments with loved ones. This is an all too common response and if used consistently will erode trust and connection in an intimate relationship. You have likely been given well-meaning advice about not using these words and how they damage communication. However, how many of you are successful in doing that? Perhaps this is because we experience this accusation of our partner as true and just being told this is not a good idea doesn’t convince us our partner isn’t ‘always’ doing something. Maybe later we…

Have you ever noticed that you don't like being alone? The thought of downtime or quiettime is overwhelming and you'll do anything you can to avoid it. Maybe you find you fill your space and time with work, friend, your kids...and when they're all busy, you still find places or spaces to be, so you don't have to be alone. This might mean a place like Costco, or it could just mean plugging in the vaccum so you can feel like you're doing something and you're avoiding any thoughts or emotions that might be felt in the quiet. Perhaps there's a relationship, an experience or a trauma you're worried…

Loneliness is a universal emotion experienced by individuals in various situations and at different times. Despite being in the company of others, this emotion can persist, causing internal distress. There are moments when this sense of isolation intensifies, leaving us in solitude and affecting various aspects of our lives. To overcome the grip of loneliness, it is essential to understand what can be done and how we can liberate ourselves from its clutches. Many of us have distanced ourselves from our true selves, contributing to the profound sense of isolation. Let's honestly acknowledge our…