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Ever felt like your brain is running 37 tabs at once, and none of them will close? You’re trying to focus, but there’s music coming from somewhere, and you can’t find the source. Welcome to ADHD. Let’s explore this metaphor: Tab 1: The Thing You’re Supposed to Be Doing You're writing a paper. You’ve opened your laptop, your doc is up, and you’re ready. Except… Tab 2: The Thing You Just Remembered “Oh wait, I haven’t replied to that email.” You open Gmail. Then... Tab 3: You Start Researching You look up one article for the paper — and end up in a Wikipedia rabbit hole on dolphin intelligence…

I'm not so much of a "New Year Resolutions" person. I'm more of a "Create a Life you Like and Live it Everyday" kind of person. People come in to my office any time of the year, January or otherwise, to work on being happier, being more confident, being healthier, and being braver. What do you like spending your day doing? Being in nature? Being in front of a computer? Playing with your kids? And what are you actually spending your time doing? Listening to others vent? Commiserating about how hard life is? Numbing out on your phone? It's ok to do things you really want to be doing. Really. And…

So, you have traits of ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder). Welcome! In recent months the number of people reporting traits of ADHD in my practice has increased considerably. While a clinical counsellor cannot diagnose ADHD (you'd want to see a GP, psychiatrist or psychologist for that) what they can do is support you in your journey and treat your symptoms (sometimes alongside another treatment provider). ADHD will affect one person very differently from another. Whether you have all of the traits of ADHD or just a few here are 3 examples of ways in which seeing a counsellor can…

It might seem like a stretch to think that experiences with your caregiver that happened as early as day one...or even hour one...of life, would influence how you might experience relationships as an adult. Those non-verbal cues like eye contact, your caregiver's tone, their presence (consistent or otherwise), whether they held you, hugged you, and so many other interactions all affected future relationship. That's not intended to sound ominous but more, to help you possibly understand how some of the strengths or maybe vulnerabilities within your relationships now, might be influenced. If…

It is common and understandable to have reactions to "parts work". It is becoming a common way of working with trauma and family dysfunction that has been made popular by Internal Family Systems (IFS). I use it a lot in my work with people. Common reactions are - I don't have parts, I am just me, or that parts are not real; we imagine them. There may be other reactions. One that comes up for me (even though I work in this way) is that I don't like to go along with the latest fad and that nothing is new. So, I want to put IFS into perspective and discuss how we might see a "part."…

I am going to say something somewhat controversial. We have very few needs in our relationships. I might go as far as saying that we don’t need anything from our partner. We need air to breathe and food to eat. This is the level of need. It is associated with our survival. Language is powerful. This is why when we use the word need to express what we want in relationships it has the energy of ‘must-have urgency’ behind it. It is a demand. Let’s compare expressions for a moment. I need your attention vs I want your attention or can I have your attention? Take a moment to say each phrase out…

Even the mention of shame brings up a desire to avoid even talking about it. It is the worst feeling and experience. It can be experienced as a constant dull ache lurking to erupt if we give it any attention, to a sudden flash of heat and intense feeling of needing to disappear. Shame is a relational experience. In other words, we are shamed by others and we develop internal shaming to prevent further experiences of shame, including shaming others. This cycle of shame is hard to break. It can be useful to understand how this develops to find a way out and heal. Here are the steps: A bad thing…

Have you ever noticed that you don't like being alone? The thought of downtime or quiettime is overwhelming and you'll do anything you can to avoid it. Maybe you find you fill your space and time with work, friend, your kids...and when they're all busy, you still find places or spaces to be, so you don't have to be alone. This might mean a place like Costco, or it could just mean plugging in the vaccum so you can feel like you're doing something and you're avoiding any thoughts or emotions that might be felt in the quiet. Perhaps there's a relationship, an experience or a trauma you're worried…

Loneliness is a universal emotion experienced by individuals in various situations and at different times. Despite being in the company of others, this emotion can persist, causing internal distress. There are moments when this sense of isolation intensifies, leaving us in solitude and affecting various aspects of our lives. To overcome the grip of loneliness, it is essential to understand what can be done and how we can liberate ourselves from its clutches. Many of us have distanced ourselves from our true selves, contributing to the profound sense of isolation. Let's honestly acknowledge our…

You notice you’re struggling to say ‘no’ when friends, family members, co-workers, your partner or even your kids need something. Your head wants to say ‘yes’ to their request. But your heart (emotions, energy, joy) might be noticing it’s feeling more resentful than joyful. You often say yes anyway, because that’s what people expect and if you don’t do (fill-in-the-blank), who will? (This is an inner thought you might have noticed.) You have tried to cultivate boundaries before, but others have ignored them, or you’ve felt guilty and decided that it’s easier to do what others ask than decline…