Blog

Work is a place of resource for many people. It gives us a sense of purpose, much needed structure, brain stimulation, contact with others, and income for our needs and wants. Work can also be stressful. That's ok too. Our systems can handle temporary stress, whether it is meeting a deadline or giving a scary presentation. It’s like running a 10km race. We’ll be fine as long as we recover the next week. This kind of stress of challenge and then recovery is healthy. There are two situations where work stress can become unhealthy. (1) The first is when work is relentlessly under-staffed and over…

Are you and your partner feeling more like roommates than romantic partners these days? Are you going through the motions of playing house but not feeling very physically or even emotionally connected? It can be confusing and even frustrating for couples when they experience this kind of disconnect in their relationship. Especially when they can remember so fondly those earlier years of having lots of fun sex and deep conversation. What's changed? Can we get it back, they wonder. And how? Don't despair! Yes, couples can find that spark again in long-term relationships, even when it's been gone…

A traumatic experience is defined as an experience that leaves us with feelings of "horror, helplessness or hopelessness" (Herman, 1992). It's an experience during which our system is overwhelmed. It's generally an abnormal situation and results in us creating defenses or ways of being that get us through such an experience. Thank goodness for those defenses. Without them we'd be left feeling completely stuck or hopeless. But after the traumatic event has passed and we are safe we may notice that we are still exhibiting some of those defenses. They are keeping us stuck or getting in the way of…

Do you work in the social services, teaching or health fields? Are you sometimes triggered by your client/student/patient? In the field of counselling it is well recognized that from time to time counsellors will be triggered by a client. Often it is because the client reminds them of someone in the counsellor's personal life or because the client is presenting with challenges that the counsellor is also working through. In these cases it is appropriate for the counsellor to seek supervision, which is a practice of consulting a more experienced counsellor to understand and work through the…

Are you a woman looking for a loving, committed partner? Someone who reliably shows up for you when you need them? Someone you can build a life, a family, and a future with? Are you -in reality- dating someone who cannot commit? Someone who doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you? What has happened here? How do women who want a real relationship end up in a situationship? A couple of common ways this happens. (1) Sometimes a woman thinks she wants to casually date and tries it and then realizes after some time that she's actually a relationship person. She can't be casual with…

September can bring a lot of fun. Crunching on leaves during a morning run. Pulling on soft, colourful sweaters. Being hit with that sweet smell of chili when you open the crock pot. Decluttering and getting tasks done with ease in the fresh, softly rainy, air. Returning to classes or to the office, greeting familiar faces and catching up on each others' summer adventures. People experience September differently. For some, there's an electricity of excitement and fun nerves with this new season. However, for many people September brings the opposite experience. It's the worst. It's ripe with…

How's parenting going for you these days? If you're finding it easy that's great. Some people find parenting comes easily to them. Others find it pretty challenging. Especially this day in age with anxiety in our kids reaching maximum levels. How do you manage your child or teen's anxiety? Are you able to be present and not take it on? Or does it ruin your mood when your child is having a hard time? It's totally normal and expected to not be thrilled when your kids are down. You love them and want to protect them. Do you often take on their emotions too deeply though? To the point where your…

Everyone finds relationships challenging at times. You're not alone! But there are different ways these challenges present and also different degrees of challenge. Are you someone who feels ok when not in a relationship but as soon as you're in it your overthinking starts up? (1) Is your overthinking more on the anxious side? For example, you may find yourself pondering on the daily what the status of your relationship is. When arguing or having conflict with your boyfriend or girlfriend you may worry that you two are breaking up. When they leave the house you may wonder if they still love you…

I'm not so much of a "New Year Resolutions" person. I'm more of a "Create a Life you Like and Live it Everyday" kind of person. People come in to my office any time of the year, January or otherwise, to work on being happier, being more confident, being healthier, and being braver. What do you like spending your day doing? Being in nature? Being in front of a computer? Playing with your kids? And what are you actually spending your time doing? Listening to others vent? Commiserating about how hard life is? Numbing out on your phone? It's ok to do things you really want to be doing. Really. And…

I remember 10 years ago training in Internal Family Systems and using it for myself and for my clients. It wasn't a technique that was on many people's radar. But I found it very helpful personally as well as professionally. It was great to have a positive silver lining for all the parts of the clients that they were not fully proud of. It was great to have a compassion-based method that worked to help people be more present and themselves. And it helped to process trauma. In Internal Family Systems we are looking at the individual as a sum of parts. It's kind of like that movie, Inside Out…