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10 Cents to See My Chest: Building Pride and Confidence in Children with Surgical Scars As a parent, it can be a courageous challenge to be present for your child when they are born with medical challenges. I cannot imagine what this was like for my family when their first child was born with ten toes, a big smile and a blue skin tone. Right after I was born, I was whisked off and my family was broadsided with the news of my congenital heart deformities. I was blessed to have a strong family and a mother and grandmother that knew how much a child needed closeness and presence. They knew this…

This week, I had the most beautiful experience that resonated deep down to my toes. I was reminded that shared stories weave a tapestry of belonging, kinship, and the knowing feeling of being truly seen. As a counsellor who specializes in supporting children, youth, and families who have experienced medical trauma, I have walked alongside many who struggle with anxiety, dysregulation, disconnection, overwhelm and other mental health challenges. I know how important community and connection to others is, but this week it truly came home to my own heart. There is something uniquely powerful…

It's not uncommon for people living with persistent pain to be reluctant about seeking help from a therapist. For some, it feels like admitting that their pain isn't real and that it is "all in their head." Others don't see how a mental health provider could help with something they see as a physical issue. This blog explores what we know about pain and how therapy can help. What do we get wrong about pain? We tend to misunderstand pain as a symptom of tissue damage. But we didn't just make this idea up. It dates back to nineteenth-century medical textbooks, which stated either that pain had…

Being in pain, emotionally or relationally, is what draws many people to find a therapist. Currently, therapy is enjoying a cultural moment of popularity. You may have heard a version of “everyone needs therapy” or “therapy is for you if you have experienced childhood.” While mostly light-hearted, these prompts speak to those who notice pain in themselves and those around them. The Purpose Of A Process Group A process group is an unstructured, collaborative therapy. By joining a process group, you commit to bringing up what is going on for you and being present with others who are doing the…

It might seem like a stretch to think that experiences with your caregiver that happened as early as day one...or even hour one...of life, would influence how you might experience relationships as an adult. Those non-verbal cues like eye contact, your caregiver's tone, their presence (consistent or otherwise), whether they held you, hugged you, and so many other interactions all affected future relationship. That's not intended to sound ominous but more, to help you possibly understand how some of the strengths or maybe vulnerabilities within your relationships now, might be influenced. If…

It is common and understandable to have reactions to "parts work". It is becoming a common way of working with trauma and family dysfunction that has been made popular by Internal Family Systems (IFS). I use it a lot in my work with people. Common reactions are - I don't have parts, I am just me, or that parts are not real; we imagine them. There may be other reactions. One that comes up for me (even though I work in this way) is that I don't like to go along with the latest fad and that nothing is new. So, I want to put IFS into perspective and discuss how we might see a "part."…

I am going to say something somewhat controversial. We have very few needs in our relationships. I might go as far as saying that we don’t need anything from our partner. We need air to breathe and food to eat. This is the level of need. It is associated with our survival. Language is powerful. This is why when we use the word need to express what we want in relationships it has the energy of ‘must-have urgency’ behind it. It is a demand. Let’s compare expressions for a moment. I need your attention vs I want your attention or can I have your attention? Take a moment to say each phrase out…

Even the mention of shame brings up a desire to avoid even talking about it. It is the worst feeling and experience. It can be experienced as a constant dull ache lurking to erupt if we give it any attention, to a sudden flash of heat and intense feeling of needing to disappear. Shame is a relational experience. In other words, we are shamed by others and we develop internal shaming to prevent further experiences of shame, including shaming others. This cycle of shame is hard to break. It can be useful to understand how this develops to find a way out and heal. Here are the steps: A bad thing…

Have you ever noticed that you don't like being alone? The thought of downtime or quiettime is overwhelming and you'll do anything you can to avoid it. Maybe you find you fill your space and time with work, friend, your kids...and when they're all busy, you still find places or spaces to be, so you don't have to be alone. This might mean a place like Costco, or it could just mean plugging in the vaccum so you can feel like you're doing something and you're avoiding any thoughts or emotions that might be felt in the quiet. Perhaps there's a relationship, an experience or a trauma you're worried…

Loneliness is a universal emotion experienced by individuals in various situations and at different times. Despite being in the company of others, this emotion can persist, causing internal distress. There are moments when this sense of isolation intensifies, leaving us in solitude and affecting various aspects of our lives. To overcome the grip of loneliness, it is essential to understand what can be done and how we can liberate ourselves from its clutches. Many of us have distanced ourselves from our true selves, contributing to the profound sense of isolation. Let's honestly acknowledge our…