I remember 10 years ago training in Internal Family Systems and using it for myself and for my clients. It wasn't a technique that was on many people's radar. But I found it very helpful personally as well as professionally. It was great to have a positive silver lining for all the parts of the clients that they were not fully proud of. It was great to have a compassion-based method that worked to help people be more present and themselves. And it helped to process trauma.
In Internal Family Systems we are looking at the individual as a sum of parts. It's kind of like that movie, Inside Out. Sometimes there's a part of that comes forward and leads you, let's say the OverAnalyzing part. Using IFS we would get CURIOUS about that part. The main work here is curiousity. Without judgment we'd just get curious. We'd look at how it feels emotionally when that part is leading. What does it feel like bodily when that part is leading. And what are the thoughts you have when that part is leading.
I'd ask, "what part are you most curious about today? What part is getting extreme?" You might suggest the OverAnalyzer. You've been doing it after every social function. I'd ask, "think of a time you were OverAnalyzing. It may have been yesterday or on the weekend."
You'd say, I was overanalyzing last night after getting home from my work party. The emotion was dread and it was a pit in my stomach. The thought was, "What did I say that was stupid?"
I'd ask the Overanalyzing part, "what was your role in coming up yesterday?" And it would say, "I was going over the scenes to make sure [the client] said things properly." And we'd ask the Overanalyzing part, "what are you scared would happen to [the client] if you didn't work so hard for them?" And the OverAnalyzer would say, "I'm worried [the client] won't learn how to speak at social events and could feel embarrassment at a future function."
Ah. That makes sense.
No one wants to feel embarrassment. It makes sense to have a part of you that is protecting your from future embarrassment. We'd get compassion for the OverAnalyzer. We'd thank it for helping [the client] be protected from future embarrassment.
When you realize there's a positive function to a part of you that's been extreme, it's a great relief. You're not crazy. You're not doing things for no reason. You're trying to protect yourself from an unpleasant feeling or situation.
We'd then tune into that lovely sensation that comes up when you gets a moment of Self-Acceptance. It may feel like a lightening in the shoulders or an opening in the belly. Or a feeling of relief. It's in the tuning in that you are changing neural pathways in your brain. You are forging new ways for the brain to go instead of the other well-trodden ones.
If desired, I'd teach you how to practice asking your part these IFS questions at home.
After a few times of practicing this exercise with me and at home you would notice a change. The part is no longer automatically coming up. The OverAnalyzer realizes you are aware of what's up and it moves back, trusting that you can handle the situation with other tools.
With it stepping back, you now have a thought or an option for a new behaviour. Something that is new and creative and something you may not have thought of before And that's what we are looking for. We don't want the OverAnalyzer to go away completely, sometimes we do need to be analyzing ourselves. But we want it to step back enough so you can choose whether or not to use it.
If IFS is interesting to you I'd be happy to use it with you. Come in and get to know yourself and your parts so you can be more self-aware. The more you notice the parts the more the parts realize you are a capable adult and the more they recede to the background so you can spend more of your time acting as your real self
Natalie Hansen, M.A., R.C.C.
NatalieHansenCounselling@gmail.com
(604) 816-6532
