Suspect You’ve Been Broken Up With by an AI Curated Message?

By: Jessica Miskiewicz

Did You Ever Feel the Need to Break Up With Someone Using AI?

Have you ever sat staring at your phone, knowing you need to say something difficult but not knowing how to say it? Maybe you have decided to end a relationship. You know what you want to say, but every version you write sounds too harsh, too emotional, too cold or just not quite right…So you turn to AI. You type, "Help me write a respectful breakup message."

A few seconds later, you have a beautifully worded message. It sounds thoughtful. Compassionate. Clear. Emotionally aware.

Copy and press send.

As a Registered Clinical Counsellor, I am not at all surprised that people are doing this. As humans, we are wired to conserve mental and emotional energy. Difficult conversations require a lot of both. If AI can reduce some of the cognitive load involved in navigating an emotionally difficult conversation, it makes sense that people would turn to it.

For someone who struggles with anxiety or fears saying the wrong thing, AI can genuinely make communication feel more manageable.

But what happens when the person on the receiving end realizes the words may not actually be theirs?

What does it feel like to receive an AI curated breakup?

There is something that doesn’t sit right about receiving a breakup message and wondering whether the person who sent it actually wrote it. You may notice phrases that do not sound like the person you knew. You may recognize language that feels unusually polished or emotionally careful. And suddenly, the breakup is no longer only about the relationship ending.

You are now questioning the value of what you meant in the relationship. 

Did they sit down and think about what they wanted to say to me?

Did they struggle with this conversation the way I am struggling with receiving it? Did they actually feel the things they said? Did they think about how their words would affect me? Or did they simply outsource a difficult conversation to AI and send me whatever AI generated?

That uncertainty can make an already painful experience more difficult to process. One of the things we need when a relationship ends is a sense of clarity. We may never agree with the other person's decision, but we often want to understand how they got there. We want to know what they were thinking and feeling. We want to make sense of what happened between us.

An AI curated breakup message can often times create the opposite experience. 

Was I not valued enough for this person to put in the emotional effort to have this difficult conversation with me themselves?

That question can hurt in a way that goes beyond the breakup itself.

When someone ends a relationship, we are not only listening to the words they say. We are also interpreting what their actions mean about the relationship and, sometimes, about our own value. We take in what happened and often turn it inward, wondering what it says about us, how much we mattered, or whether we were worth the effort. A carefully written message might communicate everything that needs to be said, but relationships are not built on perfect communication. They are built on knowing that we mattered enough to the other person for them to put in the emotional effort, even when having that conversation is difficult. 

This is why the concern is not really about AI itself. The concern is what happens when we begin using technology in ways that remove rather than enhance the human parts of connection.

When personal moments become increasingly transactional, we risk chipping away at the very qualities that make relationships meaningful.

So when an intimate moment such as a breakup appears to have been outsourced to AI, the recipient may experience another layer of loss. The relationship is ending, and now the ending itself can feel impersonal.

"I just wanted to get the wording right."

This is probably one of the most understandable reasons someone might use AI to write a breakup message. They may be terrified of saying the wrong thing or sounding cruel. They may know that they need to end the relationship but have no idea how to communicate that without causing unnecessary pain.

So they ask AI to help them find the right words.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting help finding words.

The problem is that there may not be a perfect way to end a relationship. No magic words that make someone feel okay about being left.

Sometimes the desire to find the "right" wording is actually a desire to remove the discomfort from the conversation.

And that is something AI is remarkably good at helping us do.

It can make difficult things sound easier. It can turn a messy collection of emotions into a polished paragraph.

But relationships are messy. People are messy. And sometimes communicating authentically means not having the perfect words.

Helping you find your words is different from speaking for you

There is a place for AI in difficult conversations.

Someone might sit down and write everything they are feeling, without worrying about whether it sounds reasonable or organized. They might then use AI to help identify the main points they are trying to communicate. Someone who becomes overwhelmed during conflict might use AI to help prepare for a conversation. They might ask, "How can I explain this without becoming defensive?" 

That can be useful.

The difference is that the thoughts still belong to the person.

The person is doing the emotional work. AI is helping them organize it. That is very different from giving AI the entire situation and asking it to decide what should be said.

There is a risk that we start becoming more comfortable with the version of ourselves that AI creates than with our actual ability to communicate.

Instead of asking ourselves, "What do I want to say?" we begin asking, "What should I say?"

Those questions sound similar, but they are not. One requires self reflection. The other can turn communication into a search for the most appropriate response.

And in relationships, appropriate is not always the same as authentic.

The uncomfortable part is part of the conversation

Perhaps this is what makes breakups such an interesting example. There is no way to make ending a relationship completely comfortable. Even if you choose the kindest possible words, someone may still be hurt. Even if you explain everything clearly, they may still have questions. Even if you have spent weeks preparing for the conversation, you may still become emotional and stumble on your words when you finally have it.

AI cannot remove the fact that you are ending something that mattered to another person. And maybe we need to become more comfortable with that discomfort.

Avoiding every uncomfortable feeling is not the same thing as communicating well. Sometimes being emotionally present means staying in a conversation that you would rather escape and allowing someone to be disappointed in you. It means finding your own words, even when they are imperfect.

Those are communication skills. And like any skill, they become stronger with practice.

If AI writes every difficult message for us, we may become very good at avoiding the discomfort of communication without becoming any better at communicating.

So, should you use AI for a breakup?

There is no universal answer. There are circumstances where communicating through a message may be the safest or most appropriate option. Some relationships involve dynamics where an in person conversation is not emotionally or physically safe. In those situations, protecting yourself comes first.

But when the relationship is safe and the issue is simply that you do not know how to find the right words, it may be worth asking yourself what you are really looking for.

Are you looking for help communicating? Or are you looking for a way to avoid the discomfort of communicating?

There is something meaningful about knowing that the person who is ending the relationship was willing to put in the emotional effort to tell you themselves.

And perhaps that is what we risk losing when we allow technology to do too much of our emotional work. Not just words. But the experience of another human being showing up for us, even when showing up is difficult.

Jessica Miskiewicz is a Registered Clinical Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Owner of Journey Therapy. She provides online therapy for adults experiencing anxiety, ADHD, burnout, stress, relationship issues, trauma and more. Jessica brings 18 years of experience in the helping profession, including published work in the mental health field.

Her approach is practical and focused on helping people change what is getting in the way of the life they want to live.