The Key Factor  Leading to the Breakdown of  Relationships

January 4th, 2024

The Key Factor  Leading to the Breakdown of  Relationships 

 

How people communicate with each other is very important and can increase or decrease people's life satisfaction. When unresolved issues remain in these relationships, it often leads to tension, unhappiness, and discord. It's fascinating to see how people deal with these murky connections. Sometimes, instead of directly dealing with problems and solving them, people decide to justify them, and as a result, they cause discomfort and annoyance to the people they are in contact with. These reactions are rooted in emotions, fears, and learned responses and influence people's behaviour in difficult situations. Understanding these underlying reasons sheds light on why people tend to justify problems instead of actively solving them. This tendency to justify can be explained by several convincing reasons:

1-Fear of consequences: 

The first step to solving a problem is to accept it, and accepting a problem often requires being prepared to face consequences personally, professionally, and socially. Sometimes people are afraid of facing the consequences of their behavior. This fear, which is caused by the possible consequences or the need for an important change, leads people to justify the issue and avoid solving it, which is called the trap of defectiveness and shame. This trap is often rooted in childhood experiences where the parent's response to the child's mistakes was to reject or punish the child, which underlies these defence mechanisms. Children in this situation learn that admitting a fault or mistake has painful consequences such as humiliation or punishment. As a result, this defence mechanism continues into adulthood and forces people to come up with excuses to escape from shame and torment instead of facing and solving problems.

2-Lack of self-confidence: 

Acceptance becomes difficult when people lose their confidence in their ability to cope or solve a problem. Self-doubt usually manifests as an unwillingness to admit there is a problem, resulting in a flurry of justifications or excuses. People with low self-esteem believe that admitting a mistake means showing their inadequacy to others. Since this feeling is very painful for people, they try to escape from this situation by not accepting and justifying their mistakes.

3- Not having problem-solving skills:

When some people are faced with a problem, are not afraid to face the consequences, but they have the same reaction because they do not have problem-solving skills. These people are of two categories. The first group feels unprepared to solve it, rather than directly addressing it, they tend to explain or justify it. It's a way to create a temporary shield against a problem, buy yourself time to develop the necessary skills or gather the resources you need to solve it effectively. It's like a stalling or delaying tactic until they feel more capable of taking on the challenge. The second category is people who accept the problem and apologize, but due to their lack of problem-solving skills, they consider justification and explanation as the right way to compensate. Unfortunately, in both groups, relationship problems are not solved, and the relationship breaks down.

Understanding these reasons isn't just a scientific task; it's a crucial guide through the maze of human communication. When we unravel these complexities, we grasp why we often opt for justifying rather than resolving issues. This insight is key to preventing relationship decay, especially in emotional ties. Moreover, tackling issues directly, despite their discomfort, lays the groundwork for healthier connections. This approach demands courage, humility, and a readiness to confront discomfort. It's a transformative journey that not only fortifies relationships but also fosters personal growth. By confronting challenges, we open paths to genuine communication, deeper comprehension, and enduring emotional strength in our relationships.

Zahra Sartipi
M.A., RCC
Zahra Sartipi
666 Burrard St#500, Vancouver,BC, Vancouver, V6C 3P6

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