Beyond Willpower: How DBT Helps People Change Impulsive Behaviours

Many people struggle to change impulsive behaviours. This might include overeating, spending too much time on screens, shopping without thinking, or avoiding exercise. Changing these habits is rarely as simple as "trying harder." When change does not happen, people often believe they lack willpower or self-discipline. Over time, this can lower confidence, hurt self-esteem, and create problems in relationships.

One common myth is that impulsive behaviour is simply a sign of weak willpower. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) offers a different explanation through its biosocial theory.

Why am I more impulsive than others? Do I lack willpower?

Just as some people are born with stronger emotions, some are also born with a harder time controlling their actions. According to DBT's biosocial theory, impulsivity has a biological basis. Some people naturally find it harder to stop and think before they act. They may have stronger urges, find it harder to stay organized when upset, or let their emotions guide their actions.

This does not mean people with high impulsivity are weak or lazy. It simply means they start from a different place. For people with high impulsivity, resisting an urge may take much more effort than it does for someone else, and the answer is not simply how much willpower a person has. Dr. Marsha Linehan, the developer of DBT, often says that if willpower alone is enough, there would be no problems in the world.

The real challenge is not a lack of effort. Instead, biology and life experiences can work together in ways that make it hard to act effectively. From a DBT point of view, the better question is not, "Why don't I have enough willpower?" Instead, we ask, "What is making this behaviour hard to change, and what skills could help?"

DBT assumes that every behaviour has a cause. When we understand those causes, we are much more likely to create lasting change than if we judge or blame ourselves.

I have behaviours I want to change. How does DBT help?

When someone wants to change a behaviour, DBT starts with curiosity instead of judgment. Rather than asking, "Why are you doing this?" we ask, "What is causing this behaviour, and what purpose is it serving?" Every behaviour has a cause, even if that cause is not clear at first.

If the problem is an ineffective behaviour, such as yelling, avoiding, overspending, gaming too much, or acting on impulse, we use a chain analysis. This looks at what happened before, during, and after the behaviour. We look at things like stress, the event that triggered it, thoughts, emotions, body sensations, urges, actions, and the results. This helps us understand why the behaviour happened and where new skills could help.

If the problem is that an effective behaviour did not happen, such as missing homework, skipping an appointment, or forgetting to use a DBT skill, we use a missing-links analysis. This helps us find out what got in the way. Did the person know what to do? Did they remember? Were strong emotions, unhelpful beliefs, avoidance, or outside barriers making it difficult?

Once we understand the problem, DBT becomes very practical. We find the parts that need to change and match skills to those moments, or solution analysis. Someone may need distress tolerance skills to get through a crisis without making things worse. They may need emotion regulation skills to lower emotional vulnerability, mindfulness skills to notice urges before acting, or interpersonal effectiveness skills to ask for what they need.

The goal is not simply to stop a behaviour. The goal is to understand why it happens and learn healthier ways to meet the same need.

Can DBT skills help for life?

One of the strengths of DBT is that it is not designed to solve only one problem. It teaches practical skills that can be used in many different situations throughout life.

In DBT, we often say the goal is to help clients become their own therapists. Instead of depending on treatment forever, people learn how to manage challenges on their own. They learn how to understand a situation, decide what is needed, set realistic goals, and choose the right skills.

The same skills that help someone manage urges during treatment can also help years later with work stress, parenting, relationships, health problems, or major life changes.

Learning the skills is only the first step. Like any important skill, they take practice. When they are taught well, practised often, and used in many situations, DBT skills can become lifelong tools for managing life's challenges.

Is it important to learn DBT from a qualified professional?

A qualified DBT therapist helps people understand what is keeping a problem going. Before choosing a solution, DBT focuses on understanding the problem. During individual therapy, the therapist helps identify the factors behind ineffective behaviours and decides which skills are most likely to help.

Learning a skill in a therapy office is very different from using it during everyday life. One of the main goals of DBT is generalization. This means learning to use skills wherever they are needed. A person may know how to use a skill during a calm session but struggle to use it during an argument, while caring for an upset child, or when feeling intense anger. Through after-hours phone coaching, DBT therapists help clients practise using skills in these real-life situations.

DBT therapists also receive support. They meet with a consultation team to discuss difficult cases, receive feedback, and make sure they are following the treatment model. This helps therapists provide the best care possible.

One risk of trying to learn DBT without qualified guidance is giving up too quickly if the skills do not work right away. People may think, "These skills don't work," or even worse, "I'm failing at DBT." Instead of looking at what got in the way or how the skill could be used differently, they may blame themselves and believe there is something wrong with them.

The goal of DBT is never to make people depend on a therapist. The therapist acts as a coach while the client builds confidence and independence. Over time, clients learn not only the skills themselves, but also how to understand new situations, choose the right skills, and use them for the rest of their lives.

Ed is a BCACC registered, CCPA certified clinical counsellor, and a BCACC Approved Clinical Supervisor. As a clinician, Ed has extensive experience in delivering Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to high-risk adults, youths and families experiencing concerns such as suicidality, self-harm, impulsivity, depression, anxiety, trauma, and addictions. As a trainer, Ed has undergone the Train the Trainer Program under Dr. Marsha Linehan’s Behavioural Tech Institute. In addition to the foundational DBT and RO-DBT treatment programs, Ed is also trained in DBT for Substance Use Disorders (DBT-SUD), DBT Skills in Schools (DBT STEPS-A), DBT for Adolescents (DBT-A), and DBT for Trauma (DBT-PE) Protocols. Ed also has considerable background in DBT program development in government agencies, community services, and schools. Ed’s DBT Program for Young Parents in Schools was nominated for a Premier’s Award for innovation. In 2026, the DBT Centre and Clinic of Greater Vancouver was nominated for Authority Magazine’s Social Impact Hero Award. Ed’s work has also been featured on major publications, and he is a regular contributor to Medium’s Authority Magazine.