Divorce and/or Separation, Intimacy Issues Shame Counselling & Therapy

Divorce and/or Separation, Intimacy Issues

Breaking the vow of "till death do us part" and getting divorced has been listed on the list of top things that people fear. The end of a marriage can indeed cause incredible confusion, sadness, grief, anger, guilt, fear, anxiety and shame. Not only does the end of a marriage affect a couple, but also the children.

Issues that can cause a marriage to fail include criticism, lack of respect, defensiveness, and aloofness, to name a few. Dealing with these issues might save a marriage. Mediation therapy can help couples even before a divorce, when the signs of marital disintegration starts to show. Couples therapy is an excellent tool at that point in a marriage to see whether saving the marriage is a viable option, and if it's not, it can help them find ways to reach settlements, move forward, and co-parent in a healthy and constructive way.

For children going through the divorce of their parents, therapy is critical. While parents are facing the realities of divorce and the emotional trauma, they often don't have the time or inclination to help their children deal with their sense of abandonment, pain, loss or guilt. Children may even feel that they are to blame for their parents' problems. Therapy can help children to come to terms with these issues and find strategies to move forward in a positive way.

In the case where couples counselling is not an option, a therapist can help the person who was left behind deal with the grief from the divorce. Therapy is aimed at empowering the individual to overcome grief and negative emotions and to move forward as a single person.

If you are looking for a counsellor or psychologist who addresses divorce issues you may want to search the directory to find a professional whose approach will suit you best.

Intimacy issues are common for people who fear vulnerability. Some people can become vulnerable in front of a few trusted friends, however, but when a relationship starts becoming too close, they feel suffocated. In this sense, the intimacy issues are seated in the fear of developing a deep and meaningful relationship with another person.

Two fears that are at the heart of intimacy issues, are the fear of abandonment (fearing the partner might leave them) and the fear of engulfment (fearing that they would lose themselves in a relationship), which sometimes co-exist. These fears, often rooted in childhood traumas, are often deeply entrenched in codependent adult relationships where they cause friction.

A therapist who works with people who have intimacy issues will first help you to learn to become comfortable with yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You will explore the complex past events that have created these intimacy issues and discover that those events don't have to cloud your present experiences.

This process is essential in discovering that rejection does not have to be a traumatic experience. Finally, you will learn how to set personal boundaries that will help you to avoid the fear of engulfment and to cope, should abandonment occur. While healing intimacy issues can be a challenging and somewhat painful task, the rewards are incredible.

If you are looking for a counsellor or psychologist who addresses intimacy issues, you may want to search the directory to find a professional whose approach will suit you best.

Shame Counselling & Therapy

There are a variety of approaches to address the issue of shame.  One of them is the Shame Resilience method is based on the research of Bren√© Brown, Ph.D. LMSW. 

Shame Resilience is the developed ability to practice authenticity when we experience shame, to move through the experience without sacrificing our values, and to come out on the other side of the shame experience with more courage, compassion, and connection than we had going into it.

Shame Resilience is about moving from shame to empathy- the real antidote to shame. Self-compassion is also critically important, because when we’re able to be tender with ourselves in the midst of shame we’re more likely to reach out, connect and experience empathy.

Other approaches, like Complex Integration of Multiple Brain Systems (CIMBS)  uses what is called a systems perspective that can address how an individual has learned to respond due to early trauma and or other developmental experiences.

Approaches to shame are not limited to the above.  There are many other therapies that address feeling.

If you do contact a therapist regarding shame issues please make sure that you ask them about their training in this area and choose a therapist whose approach makes sense to you.

 

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