Every couple is faced to some degree with fundamental differences in terms of beliefs and values. Successful couples are able to respectfully negotiate, comprise on or resolve difficult issues. Many couples, however, are unable to work past major differences despite their best efforts. Others attend to differences in a very mindful way, yet for a range of reasons may decide that they are too great to overcome. Solvable issues or perpetual issues?

Brainspotting combines elements of neuroscience and body-based therapy to identify and target “brainspots”. Brainspots are areas of the brain believed to contain traumatic memories and responses. Through the use of eye movements, a trained therapist assists the client in confronting and releasing emotional blocks and traumas, while through helping them to reconnect with their emotional self.

I often hear my clients say, “I can’t trust my decision making.” When I hear this, I start to ask them questions about what boundaries looked like in their family growing up, such as, “were you more on the strict/oppressive end of the spectrum where family members were controlled and dependence was promoted, or were you more on the empowering/relaxed end of the spectrum, where individuals were given freedom and independence, and growth was promoted within your family?”

When I started reading about psychology, I was ravenous to “figure everything out”. I could not get enough of learning about our patterns, how to deal with emotions, and to find out how normal I was. I read voraciously for years, believing that if only I had a sense of mastery over my struggles and how to communicate with others effectively, that I would resolve my sense of internal shame.