The Truth About Depression and the "Just Be Happy" Myth

January 24th, 2024

Millions of people all over the world are affected by depression. However, despite its prevalence, misconceptions and misunderstandings about this condition persist, leading to ineffective and potentially harmful advice. One common myth is the notion that telling someone with depression to "just be happy" or to think positively will magically alleviate their symptoms. However, as mental health professionals and experts emphasize, the reality is far more complex.

Depression is not merely a result of negative thinking or a lack of willpower. It is a multifaceted condition rooted in various causes, such as genetic predispositions, traumatic experiences, or chronic stress. While altering one’s thoughts may improve mood temporarily, it is not always enough to provide a long-term solution for those struggling with depression.

The Role of Emotions:

Emotions serve as messengers, attempting to convey vital information about our physical and mental well-being. Depression, like any other emotion, is trying to communicate something essential about ourselves. Whether it signifies unhealed wounds, a lack of purpose, or feelings of shame and inadequacy, depression highlights areas that deserve our attention and understanding.

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) Perspective:

Within the Internal Family Systems framework, depression is often linked to our "exile parts." These are the deep emotional aspects of ourselves we hide away. Our mind, acting as the protector, always wants to shield us from experiencing pain, shame, grief, and loss. However, when we suppress these intense emotions, we inadvertently suppress positive emotions as well. Consequently, depression emerges as a symptom, signaling our inner struggle.

The Importance of Support and Validation:

Telling someone with depression to simply be happy is not only unhelpful but can be harmful. It can reinforce feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness, which can exacerbate their depression.

Instead of dismissively telling someone with depression to "just be happy," or to think positively, a more supportive and beneficial approach is to show compassion and validation.

Depression is not a sign of weakness or personal failure, it’s a sign that our wounded parts are crying out for attention. It is a genuine mental health condition that deserves understanding, empathy, and sometimes professional guidance.

To support your loved ones who are experiencing depression, it is helpful to show that you care by listening to them and understanding their emotions. Encourage them to seek professional help from a therapist or mental health specialist who can offer them the proper support they need and deserve.

Seeking Professional Help:

For individuals grappling with depression, seeking help from friends or mental health professionals is vital. Opening up about their struggles and finding a therapist who specializes in treating depression can make a significant difference in their healing journey. Professional guidance and support can provide effective tools to navigate the complex emotions and underlying causes of depression.


Author: Heidi Kwok, M.A. RCC

Heidi Kwok
Innerverse Therapy
212-179 Davie Street, Vancouver, V6Z2V4

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