Do you often notice your partner isn't meeting your needs? It's like they can never get it right. It's infuriating because you think about others' needs. Why can't your partner get your needs. You reject what they attempt to do because it's not close to what you wanted.
Is sex vital to a couple's ability to be sustaining and happy? It depends. Sex researcher Barry McCarthy (2002) notes that when sex is going well couples attribute only 15-20% of their relationship satisfaction to it. It's like icing on a cake: If the cake is good we give a slight nod to icing but attribute much more of the goodness in our mouths to other aspects of the cake.
Are you angry a lot with your partner? Or is your partner telling you that you are constantly angry? Do you feel overwhelmed after a fight? Do most discussions end up in an argument? As humans, it's normal to have a tendency towards fight in a stressful encounter. That's a learned reaction from childhood to protect you. That's the function of anger. It's there to keep you safe.
Arguments can escalate pretty quickly in romantic relationships, as many couples know. In part 1 of this blog post I discuss being aware of when your arousal level is increasing past the point that you can have a productive discussion. Couples who are experts on themselves and each other understand how to set up their discussions for success, rather than failure.
This interview was conducted with Dr. Sue Johnson. It provides an overview of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and information about her book, "Hold Me Tight". Dr. Johnson has received numerous honours for her work, including the Outstanding Contributor to the Field of Couple and Family Therapy Award from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
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